This too Shall Pass

2:00:00 PM hanny arianty gultom 0 Comments

Days before my labor, I was very insecure. The feeling arose not because of the delivery that would be due soon, but for the intimate time that my son and I have would end up soon. I was so sorry for my son for the change that he would face, might changed him too. I read many articles about it and asked for an advice from best friend, and they all came up with one single conclusion, This too Shall Pass. I was like, Really? That's it? no formula, no explanation, no guide book? I was like, hmmm okay.

In the first month, I was living in a roller coaster situation, I just want to cut my body in two, that's how bad the situation was since I just wanted to give my whole self  to both of my children. The times where I have to take my son to bath and the baby girl was crying for milk, and when I have to change diapers and my son just want to play puzzle only with me. I cried a lot and sometimes when i couldn't handle it anymore, unintentionally I transferred that negative energy to my son. :( :( :(

It took me a month and a half to really understand the situation. It's not just my son that I should take care of, but also me, myself. I need to adapt myself for the change itself. I just put too much focus on MJ, how he should be nice to his baby, and so on and so on, but when I realise that the key was in me, made it become easier for me to handle the situation.

If I could give some advice to the other moms, who especially have an active son like mine that use to get full of my attention, I would say...

Yes, you need help for the first week or even the first month. I know that we want to be full to both of the kids, but in some cases you can't. You couldn't breastfeeding while your first kid want to play with you right? how can you handle that? You need someone or something to distract him, putting him on a gadget is easy way but not so recommended. You can turn on the Disney Jr or ask him to play with other kids, just distract him. If you don't have a helper, you should think creatively about that, I sometimes, let my son to mess up the house.

This is a swift situation where they would be no longer the only one who got all eyes. They will do anything to get your attention, even when they have to slap their little baby, as all they know that the baby is your focus now. Even when you already told him so many times about the good things of becoming a brother or taking care of the baby, still he doesn't understand. It's merely because he doesn't want to. I realized that my son is just a kid, who might be smart but not mature enough to understand the change. Never make your first child as the bad guy here, as they are absolutely not.

You need to embrace the situation, where :
1. Your first child will ignore you some of the times (as he/she felt the same way too)
2. You will no longer able to be there around her/him fully.
3. You are also in the adaption mode, embrace the chaotic feeling.
4. You couldn't cut yourself into two for both of the children. :P
5. You will cry a lot and that's okay. Breath in breathe out. #hugs

I hope this post will help mommies out there who have the same struggle like mine. Though it won't lift up your heavy situation for now, but at least will give you an enlightenment that you are not alone.

I know, In the end this too shall pass right mommies?! But make sure that you pass it for granted, alright. Cheers to the moms out there who are giving their self, their best for their children. #MOMMAHOOD

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