Lose The Battle, Yet Win The War..

5:35:00 PM hanny arianty gultom 0 Comments

It was a never ending battle of my husband and I among others . The breastfeeding issue was a hits during my son’s two months birth.

Our little son’s birth condition was the first battle we had. His staying overnight for 6 days in the babies’care room demanded me to give him an exclusive breastmilk. The fact that I only had like 5 cc maximum in the first 3 days broke my heart even if the next three days I had 10 to 15 cc every pumping. How’s not, I saw right and left, other mothers had like one full bottle of breast milk, or 30 cc minimum. Though it was such devastating, I held my head up, fueled up with strong motivation, for the sake of my little baby’s health.

6th days there, our little baby was actually not allowed to go home as he was still need double light for his yelowish skin and eyes. But our parents adviced us to have little MJ having a sunbath instead at home, they just couldn’t wait to see and hug him. I thought that I finally could breath in ease but the battle was getting tougher, it was actually started there.

The intention of giving our little one an exclusive breastmilk was our plan in the first place. Husband and I had  enough knowledge and understanding about breastfeeding, we read articles, asked advices from doctors and midwives at Carolus Hospital, shared with friends, followed some paediatrician twitter acounts , joined group of mom and babies on the facebook. Those things happened to motivate us that we were not alone in this breastfeeding world. Thus we were so persistent to give our little baby an exclusive breastmilk.

But the Family’s concerns of my baby yelowish skin and eyes were went too much, making them unconciously push me to my own limit.They didn’t allow me to stock my breastmilk as preparation on my working day, every stock I had must be given to MJ at that time. Such an ironic to the fact that they were actually very supportive in helping me to have a productive breastmilk by cooking me all kinds of healthy food and drink and buying me not one but two, three, four and five  kinds and brands of breastpump but not patiently and confidently enough for the result; I still have less milk. All the efforts I made by eating and drinking food I dislike the most, papaya and its leaves, and not too mention the painful breast massage, still wasn’t enough to prove them that I meant it so bad.

The tears often dropped off, not for the physical fatigue I had in the first months but for the mental broke down made by the surroundings. Lines like “nangis terus, asinya dikit sih.”, “ihh matanya masih kuning tuh, kurang minum itu, udah kasih air putih aja.”, “kok kurus yah, gk kaya bayi lain yang gendut.”, “udah kasih susu formula aja.”, “gk perhatian banget sama anaknya.”, and the bla and the bla. The words were rolled like over and over again, it kept telling me, hypnoztizing me, and demotivating me that I’m not literally a good mother.

Despite everything had happened, to my stubborness I still decided to give my son an exclusive breastmilk. I thank God, I have my shield, my husband, the one who stood by me, defending me to those who would harm me. We were hands in hand in giving our family understanding that we tried to give the best to our little son.

Days by, to my horor I ended my maternity leave. I was given the sadness fact that I could no longer give my little son an exclusive breastmilk. A night before I went to work, husband and I bought an additional milk to our son. I knew that my 300 cc breastmilk wasn’t enough to be left to my son for 9 hours. I felt like failing, but husband kept telling me that we’ve done our best for giving our son’s his right of having my breastmilk. A week after, I still had this regret and sorry to my son until one day my best friend remind me of the miracle of Jesus changes water into wine (John 2 :1-11). That lines strengthen me,though it does not literally mean God will change the additional formula into my breastmilk, but somehow I believe God will give the best to my son.

It has been up to now, three times a day at work I pump in between my working hours and get 200 – 300 cc to be given the next day to my son. If I lucky I can get another 100 cc after work and my son will drink less additional formula in a day. Well,  I might loose the battle of not able giving him an exclusive breastmilk, but yeah I won the war for being persistent enough to give my little son his birth right to the max!

funnybut true sayings :

 HEAR HEAR, spilled 200 cc of my breastmilk!
BOOO.. Like crazy i still have the same weight as my pregnancy.

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