Lose The Battle, Yet Win The War..
It was a never ending battle of my husband and I among others . The breastfeeding issue was a hits during my son’s two months birth.
Our little son’s birth condition was the first battle we had. His staying overnight for 6 days in the babies’care room demanded me to give him an exclusive breastmilk. The fact that I only had like 5 cc maximum in the first 3 days broke my heart even if the next three days I had 10 to 15 cc every pumping. How’s not, I saw right and left, other mothers had like one full bottle of breast milk, or 30 cc minimum. Though it was such devastating, I held my head up, fueled up with strong motivation, for the sake of my little baby’s health.
Our little son’s birth condition was the first battle we had. His staying overnight for 6 days in the babies’care room demanded me to give him an exclusive breastmilk. The fact that I only had like 5 cc maximum in the first 3 days broke my heart even if the next three days I had 10 to 15 cc every pumping. How’s not, I saw right and left, other mothers had like one full bottle of breast milk, or 30 cc minimum. Though it was such devastating, I held my head up, fueled up with strong motivation, for the sake of my little baby’s health.
6th days there, our little baby was actually not allowed to go home as he was still need double light for his yelowish skin and eyes. But our parents adviced us to have little MJ having a sunbath instead at home, they just couldn’t wait to see and hug him. I thought that I finally could breath in ease but the battle was getting tougher, it was actually started there.
The intention of giving our little one an exclusive breastmilk was our plan in the first place. Husband and I had enough knowledge and understanding about breastfeeding, we read articles, asked advices from doctors and midwives at Carolus Hospital, shared with friends, followed some paediatrician twitter acounts , joined group of mom and babies on the facebook. Those things happened to motivate us that we were not alone in this breastfeeding world. Thus we were so persistent to give our little baby an exclusive breastmilk.
But the Family’s concerns of my baby yelowish skin and eyes were went too much, making them unconciously push me to my own limit.They didn’t allow me to stock my breastmilk as preparation on my working day, every stock I had must be given to MJ at that time. Such an ironic to the fact that they were actually very supportive in helping me to have a productive breastmilk by cooking me all kinds of healthy food and drink and buying me not one but two, three, four and five kinds and brands of breastpump but not patiently and confidently enough for the result; I still have less milk. All the efforts I made by eating and drinking food I dislike the most, papaya and its leaves, and not too mention the painful breast massage, still wasn’t enough to prove them that I meant it so bad.
The tears often dropped off, not for the physical fatigue I had in the first months but for the mental broke down made by the surroundings. Lines like “nangis terus, asinya dikit sih.”, “ihh matanya masih kuning tuh, kurang minum itu, udah kasih air putih aja.”, “kok kurus yah, gk kaya bayi lain yang gendut.”, “udah kasih susu formula aja.”, “gk perhatian banget sama anaknya.”, and the bla and the bla. The words were rolled like over and over again, it kept telling me, hypnoztizing me, and demotivating me that I’m not literally a good mother.
The tears often dropped off, not for the physical fatigue I had in the first months but for the mental broke down made by the surroundings. Lines like “nangis terus, asinya dikit sih.”, “ihh matanya masih kuning tuh, kurang minum itu, udah kasih air putih aja.”, “kok kurus yah, gk kaya bayi lain yang gendut.”, “udah kasih susu formula aja.”, “gk perhatian banget sama anaknya.”, and the bla and the bla. The words were rolled like over and over again, it kept telling me, hypnoztizing me, and demotivating me that I’m not literally a good mother.
Despite everything had happened, to my stubborness I still decided to give my son an exclusive breastmilk. I thank God, I have my shield, my husband, the one who stood by me, defending me to those who would harm me. We were hands in hand in giving our family understanding that we tried to give the best to our little son.
funnybut true sayings :
HEAR HEAR, spilled 200 cc of my breastmilk!
BOOO.. Like crazy i still have the same weight as my pregnancy.
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